The Return of Hot Garbage

author

SwitchBlade

published: 2010/01/06filed under: cinemaearmarks: a dangerous man, action, Aidan Dee, Byron Mann, cinema, garbage films, Jeanettea Antonio, Jerry Wasserman, Jesse Hutch, Marlaina Mah, Mike Dopud, steven seagal

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movie reviews

Film: A Dangerous Man

Actor(s): Steven Seagal, Byron Mann, Jeanettea Antonio, Jesse Hutch, Aidan Dee, Marlaina Mah, Mike Dopud, Jerry Wasserman

Official Drop Date: February 9, 2010

Blades: 1/2

Review: Steven Seagal does it again. Surprises me with the making of another trash film. Just when I think he’s found his way and retired from the movie industry, disappointment does a strip tease and giggles at my expense.

Seagal returned to the entertainment world with an announcement that he would star in a Celebality show called: Steven Seagal: Lawman. That and the news of the Jackson Brothers’ Celebality show kept me occupied; so I was not prepared for the drop of not one but two Seagal trash feasts. When most bad actors would give up and find solace in releasing clothes and perfume, the feisty ones attempt to defy reality and continue to waste money that could go to homeless seahorses or something. Anything but another Steven Seagal flick.

This film starts us off in the Seagal Wonderland of him with a beautiful wife who gets assaulted and he runs off the fight her attackers. She’s not killed, but Seagal runs after the assailant and he’s then convicted of his murder despite his innocence. The courts release him based on new evidence but only after six years of living behind bars and his wife leaving him.

While out and trying to buy booze and going about his business, thugs try to rob him. Through no real shock, Seagal opens a can of martial arts whoop ass and handles business. All this after releasing one of the best lines of the film: “I’m going to fuck you ugly.” What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Either way, Seagal finds himself in the midst of a drug/money laundering war and things get beyond WTF.

Needless to say it ends with Seagal winning the war and walking away with a chick that looks as if she’s 23. Seriously? In what world does all this go down? I prayed for an Avatar or Na’vi to walk through a scene and help me make sense of it all. 1/2 a balde for another amazing Hot Garbage moment from Seagal and the folks drunk and retarded enough to fund his projects.

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back then...
- 2009-09-10 No articles to flashback on today.
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