It’s Official, The Grammys Need A Colonic: STAT!!

SwitchBlade

– 2012/02/13Posted in: award shows

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concerts/live performaces/awards/tributes

Which Awards Drama?: The Grammys

Aired When?: February 12, 2012

Time: 8 PM

Station: CBS

Worthiness/Rewatch Possibilities: WTF?!?!

Bottom-line: I need to slip into a drunk a coma if I watch this shit again!!!!

Commentary: The Grammys has sucked us into another year of bullshit ONLY because of the unexpected death of the legendary Whitney Houston. The rumors began to swirl that the Grammys would have a tribute for Whitney and that Chaka Khan & Jennifer Hudson would be performing. At the end of it all, the tribute left many disappointed and ready to turn the television sets off. It was more entertaining with the tweets from my TL as we all were going in on the show. The trends of the night were bouffant, disaster, boredom, & techno colors. So let’s delve into this extremely disappointing evening of events or lack thereof.

The Grammys opened with the extremely elderly Bruce Springsteen and his band (not interested, I really don’t care Jersey, I really don’t). :: insert Whitney chant :: LL Cool J said a prayer for Whitney and her family (I wonder how the atheists felt). Some of the audience members (Whites) looked uncomfortable and there were not many applause there. Then the Grammys played Whitney’s last Grammys appearance (her worst) as though they had no footage of a fabulous appearance of her.
Next was Bruno Mars who performed next. I was not too excited to see him perform but he had a few shiny moments. He said that we’re celebrating for Ms. Whitney so “get off your rich asses and start dancin’” Go Bruno! Alicia Keys and Bonnie Raitt were next and they performed a mini tribute for Etta James; it was ok. As some pointed out, Keys looked like Bruno Mars since they both were rocking bouffant. Raitt out did Keys in the singing department, but no shock there. Afterwards they presented Best Solo Performances won rightfully by Adele who also looked good for the evening.

Chris Brown hit the stage next accompanied by techno lights, huge blocks, ninjas, lip-synching, and chaos. As he began to sing “Turn Up the Music,” I just hit MUTE on the fucking TV. That shit was of no use for me so I took advantage of the toilet break intermission. @BBSBand hit the nail on the head as he identified the ninjas jumping from block to fucking block. The stage performance looked as bad as that video he did with retarded vampires who could not crawl up fucking walls. WTF?!! Bram Stoker & Anne Rice readers know better. Hot Ass Mess.

Marc Anthony and Fergie were up next to present the Best Rap Performance: “Otis” by Jay-Z & Kanye West won but I disagree. Not a fan of that song and “The Show Must Go On” by Lupe Fiasco should have won. Next Reba McEntire introduced Jason Alden & Kelly Clarkson’s performance of “Don’t You Wanna Stay?” It was ok. Jack Black, Mr. Annoying, was outside talking shit & introduced the Foo Fighters performing in the Grammys tent. It was a good performance. LL then introduced Rihanna & Coldplay. “We Fell in Love in a Hopeless Place” opened with a weak start but improved greatly via vocals and her dancers rocked it out with various Dancehall moves. Then Chris Martin of Coldplay came on to sing with Rihanna. The she moved on and the remainder of the Coldplay band came on & did their thing.

LL introduced NCIS, Pauley Perrette & NY Giants: Mario Manningham & Victor Cruz to present the Best Rock Performance: Foo Fighters. They did a straight indie project in the lead’s garage with a tape machine. Good shit on that one!! Ryan Seacrust then introduced the Beach Boys reunion/tribute. Maroon 5 kicked it off with “Surfer Girl,” then The Power for the People sang “Wouldn’t It Be Nice.” Before Negros could be on TV & dance shows, the Beach Boys were singing the gooeiness of being beach kids & Surfer Girls. The realization of those times of the 60s/70s clashed with the reality of life and the connection from my childhood was lost. Love has deteriorated for the Beach Boys. Seacrust brought them on to sing “Good Vibrations” but there were no vibrations felt from me aside from boredom.

Trustee Awards went to Dave Bartholomew (prominent New Orleans musician who helped develop & define the New Orleans sound & band leader), Steve Jobs (what the fuck for??), and Rudy van Gelder. LL then introduced Stevie Wonder, another legend & Grammys winner, who acknowledged & showed love for Whitney & pulled out his harmonica. Stevie also introduced Sir Paul “Holding Grudges” McCartney who sang his new “My Valentine” song. Common & Taraji P. Henson paid tribute to legend Gil Scott Heron; then presented Best R&B album: F.A.M.E. by Chris Brown won that. First off, F.A.M.E. was NOT an R&B album, that shit was Rap/Hip Hop at the very least. Ledisi’s Pieces of Me should have won with El DeBarge’s Second Chance a close second and R. Kelly’s Love Letters after that. Keep THAT shit real!

Next up was some country group called The Civil Wars (ya’ll lost the war for a reason). They were performing before Taylor Swift. Swift performed “Why You Gotta Be So Mean?” and played her banjo with her backwoods band also playing banjos, washboards, and fiddles. I was looking out for the spoon playing section. Swift’s voice is still difficult to listen but half-ass is the name of the game once again at the Grammys. Neil Patrick Harris was next to present Song of the Year: “Rolling in the Deep” by Adele. Most of Adele’s categories were filled with folks you knew were not going to win. LL & Kate Bechinsale introduced Katy Perry’s performance & in essence, my third toilet break for the evening. These intermissions were MUST HAVES as the performances sucked ass. Best Country album went to Lady Antebellum. Gweneth Paltrow’s ass showed up like she’s a fucking musician – one musical film, a spot on Glee, & a duet with Cee-Lo & folks lose their fucking minds at the Grammys. She introduced Adele’s performance which was one of the very few nice ones for the night. She stood there and sang her ass off – no need to techno lights, ninjas, egg shells, fire blown out of her ass, or her hopping around the fucking stage. She gave us vocals!! About fucking time GRAMMYS!!

Swift introduced the tribute to Glen Campbell (Mr. Rhinestone Cowboy himself – I wonder if that was about the gay cowboys?). While making the intro, Swift mentioned that Campbell was preparing to say goodbye to the entertainment world as he was suffering from Alzheimer’s disease but as a flub, Swift called it ALTSheimer… What the fuck is going on in the education system??? Carrie Underwood & Tony “Elderly” Bennet showed up to present Best New Artist: Bon Iver; and Minaj was not looking all too pleased at losing that award.

Soon after was the Slideshow Obit in which they left out Etta James and Vesta Williams (two amazing legends). After the slideshow they ended with Whitney Houston and had Jennifer Hudson walk out. She was the only one to do the tribute as Chaka Khan was too upset to go through with it and Hudson sang half of “I Will Always love You.” It was so-so but not worth waiting almost three fucking hours for through bullshit & boredom for. I should have shut the fucking TV set off and played my Whitney discography as I planned in the first damn place.

LL & ?Love (questlove) soon came on and gave a drive-by shooting type of a tribute to Don Cornelius then quickly introduced David Guetta, Deadmouse, Chris Brown, & Foo Fighters. This quickly became toilet break #4. Soon the Canadian I’d like to “Return to Sender”, Drake, was on the stage to introduce Nicki Minaj. That performance was weak and was the worse exorcism load of shit I’ve seen in years. Toilet break #5. LL then came on & introduced Lady Antebellum who presented Record of the Year: Adele. Adele seems to have done another clean sweep this year for the Grammys but she is actually talented so not much to complain about there. Diana Ross & The Allman Brothers Band (ABB), The Memphis Horns, Gil Scott-Heron, Antonio Carlos Jobin, and George Jones all received The Lifetime Achievement (LTA) award but they were neither broadcast nor mentioned as such. Instead, they made people suffer through a second Paul “Holding Grudges” McCartney performance when the LTA recipients could have at least had tributes (fuck the one done for the rhinestones), or a better Whitney tribute could have been done. Hot Ass Mess.